That Bozo Bojo

Boris Johnson
Finds being Foreign Secretary no fun,
Derided by his boss for lack of stature 
With hair in urgent need of a Thatcher.

Or do you prefer:

Theresa May'd
Gladly have ordered Boris flayed,
But his "punishment beatings" blooper
Put him "first in line" for a week in the cooler.


Yawning Chasm? Or Chiasm, Yawn?

Dorothy Parker.
Could she have been sarcasticer?
Though too fucking busier still,
That yawning chiasmus to fill.

Thanks to Mark Forsyth (via Jeanette James) for the inspiration if not the implementation.



Reprise and Reprisal

Jane Austen
Replied when asked about men
"Fortune and Flatulence:
For the latter, the former's vital recompense."

Sketch by Cassandra Austen
© National Portrait Gallery, London


Lost First Drafts

Jane Austen
Rejected zombies for men
(Unless they'd an Earldom
And 3,000 guineas per annum).

or do you prefer

Jane Austen
Never mentioned the hymen,
Though she featured the hymnal
Twice in "Pious and Prejudicial".

Cassandra Austen
© National Portrait Gallery, London


Another Secret Society?

Interviewees' 'phones
Ringing during live news spots
The Interrupti

or do you prefer

Dan Brown
Would let witches drown
Before breaking the vow of secrecy
Surrounding the Interrupti